There’s already a crappy sequel to 2001, so I can’t ruin it with one myself (I have recently
posted a bunch of ideas for lame sequels to great classic movies like this one),
but when it came on one of my movie channels today, I just had to take another
look. Well, I must say, looking at this movie with adult eyes, I see it quite
differently, at least in some ways. (I first saw it as a child.)
Most people seem to agree that the rectangle “monolith”
thingies are here to help us evolve. This is demonstrated at the beginning of
the movie, when a bunch of ape-men bounce around the monolith, and then they
start bashing each other over the head with bones and stuff when they get into
some territorial dispute a couple of minutes later. Well, how do we know this
is meant to help humanity? It looks more to me like we can blame all of our
violence and greed and warlike tendencies on these parallelogram interlopers.
Maybe they’re just bored, and because they don’t have any professional
wrestling in their species (how much fun could it be to watch two rectangles
fight anyway?), they’re just trying to get us humans at each other’s throats so
they can enjoy watching all the carnage and brutality, like that glowing
buzz-saw alien character from Star Trek
that tried to get the Enterprise crew and the Klingons to fight for its
amusement and feeding frenzy.
Well, I’m not falling for their benevolent hyper-intelligent
alien presence scam any longer! I know what they’re up to, those darned
violence-inducing rectangles, trying to get us to wreck and tangle each other
up! Yeah, I’m onto those jerks! You know they baited us to go to Jupiter just
so they could peer-pressure HAL into trying to kill everyone, right? In fact,
they only sent Keir Dullea back to Earth as a fetus in the hopes that he’d
start a brawl in the hospital nursery once he was born again: you know it’s
true! In fact, if it’s not true that rectangles are out to get us, then how
come it hurts so much when we bang into the corner of a rectangular-shaped
table? It’s probably one of them, injuring us on purpose so they can enjoy our
pain first-hand! Jerks.
Oh, and another thing: if those rectangle thingies are so
nice, then how come they made that laser show part of the journey to Jupiter?
Was it just so they could shift themselves into square shapes and soak
themselves in LSD to corrupt our youth as blotter acid? And all so they could
suffer from “acid flashbacks” later on, causing chaos for us, and endless
entertainment for themselves? I’m onto these “benevolent” rectangles, man!
(They’re probably really those buzz-saw aliens from Star Trek in disguise so we won’t recognize them!)
