Monday, September 24, 2012

Garlique/Garl-EEK

Someone I know is on a diet that requires the intake of lots and lots of supplement pills daily. One of the supplements is called "Garlique", and it purports to "support cardiovascular health". And it's made from garlic. (How does it support cardiovascular health: by repelling vampires? If they drank all your blood, it might not be good for your cardiovascular health. And seriously, this might validate the claim in court, if the judge was a fan of vampire movies.)

But if it's made from garlic, the first thing that makes me think of is garlic breath. So maybe this company could formulate another garlic supplement pill for people with another need: to be left alone. This supplement could be called: "Garl-EEK", and when you take it, it could give you such disgustingly malodorous garlic breath, nobody would be able to come near you. And so that way, if you were being harassed by collections agencies, process servers, etc. (or even if you're Justin Bieber trying to escape the crush of fans after a concert), you could just take one pill, and it would repel people (nay, make them run screaming away en masse!) for a full 24 hours! And wouldn't that be useful for anyone who's trying to avoid someone? It can't miss in today's economy and muckraking journalism environment! (And finally, a product for the hoity-toity and the hoi polloi!)

BTW: My father used to say of food dishes made with garlic and onions (and I would say peanut butter!): "Either everyone has to have some, or no-one can have any." (Meaning that anyone's breath will stink if they eat it, but it will only bother those who don't eat it {and consequently do not have the stinky breath too}; so everyone must have some, or else everyone who doesn't have some will be miserable with the smell of the breath of everyone who does have some.)