You know you want to see it: the lame, exploitative sequel to the great exploitation masterpiece Pulp Fiction, right? But they couldn't afford Quentin Tarantino or Roger Avary to write or direct this time, so... That's right: rather than a masterpiece, you get a mess-terpiece: Pulp Fiction 2: Pulpier Fiction.
This time, it's 20 years later, and a family member of Bruce Willis's character dies and leaves him a large estate and bequest, and he must come back to town to settle the estate and collect the money. Oh, but he had promised to never show his face in that town again, so he wears a fake beard and mustache and glasses getup, just so nobody will recognize him. But no sooner does he drive into town, but he gets into a car accident with Ving Rhames's character, the feared mob boss from the first film, and the impact of the wreck knocks Willis's disguise off his face, and he is recognized. Well, Ving Rhames might have been willing to let it slide for old times' sake, but as it happens, he has some underlings with him, and they know Willis is not allowed to come back to town, or else... So our underworld kingpin must do something to punish him (but not kill him, because Willis saved his life).
So, before inheriting his fortune, Willis must star in a series of illegal, underground Backyard Bum Fights-style videos, just to pay the piper. These videos are being directed and produced by a famous but faded Hollywood director (played by John Travolta, just to bring him back for the sequel somehow) who owes Ving Rhames's character a favor for killing a scandal-rag journalist who threatened to publish a story about how this director used to like to get masseurs to give him special "happy endings" he liked to call: "A Hollywood Ending". And these fights are supposed to be fixed, where Bruce Willis wins them all, but unbeknownst to him, another rival mob boss, who lost a lot of money in the fight Willis won in the first film, has sent in a ringer to win the fights, and he kills Bruce Willis with the "Fist of the White Lotus".
And that does it: then Bruce Willis's character's wife, the French girl (now played by Elodie Bouchez, because I like her better) comes back to town for revenge. In the mean time, she has trained to become a brutal ninja assassin so as to make ends meet now that Bruce's boxing career is all washed up (and because they lost everything in the financial crash), and she rides into town on a superbike and wielding a Samurai sword (the one Willis saved Rhames with from the first film {I know, I know: he didn't bring it with him; but she came back to get it or something: get off my back! This is supposed to be lame!}), and she chops every last one of the criminal gang members up, and she decapitates everyone else just for good measure. But, in a lame cliched ending, like in The Girl on a Motorcycle, she dies in a traffic accident just when she thinks she's gotten away with it! (Oh, and, um, Uma Thurman's character is played by Lindsay Lohan, because she was willing to bring her own drugs, thus saving the production money on fake drugs. And this time, she overdoses while driving and has some traffic accidents, for which she gets a slap on the wrist, just for the sake of verisimilitude. {That way, it feels like cinema verite!})
Oh, and towards the end, when Elodie Bouchez is slicing Ving Rhames's character's head off, Samuel L. Jackson just happens to walk by as it's happening, and he says (to himself): "I'm glad I got out when I did. Thank you Lord for the sign!" And then he continues on down the road to his new age church he founded, where he claims to be born again, etc., and he reforms former criminals and gang members, ruthlessly killing any who do not profess to have "seen the light", or to be "born again", saying: "You refuse to see the light? Then enter the darkness, motherf*cker!", or: "You won't be born again? Then die, motherf*cker!" (He has to say "motherf*cker" in all of his movies now. It's in his contract or something, I think.)
And if there's any time leftover, we can go into another story loop about the robbers and the drug dealer, where Amanda Plummer flipped on Tim Roth, and he's in prison now, and Eric Stoltz's drug dealer smuggles heroin for prison distribution to him in his butt. But then a big prison riot breaks out while he's there, he gets raped, and the balloon of heroin pops, and he overdoses. But he doesn't die, so he gets to go to prison there himself for drug smuggling.
