In watching some of the coverage of the political
conventions, I heard someone say they were really tired of hearing about
everybody’s purported humble beginnings. Oh, I dunno: I think it’s kind of fun
to listen to the one-upmanship of politicians trying to out-destitute each
other’s childhoods, battling it out for whose parents were poorer, more
hardworking coalminers or steelworkers, etc. (Both parties do this all the
time.) But sometimes I long for something different.
Yes, you know they can’t all be from modest backgrounds and
of humble means: some of these guys were born into high society; but we never
hear about their beginnings, and I think that’s no fun. Just once I long to
hear someone say something asinine like: “I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in
my mouth like some people here. No, I’m allergic to the cheap stuff like that.
I was born with a platinum spoon in my mouth, encrusted with the finest diamonds, rubies,
emeralds and sapphires. I’ve never done an honest day’s work in my life,
because I didn’t have to. I never even made any effort in school, either; I
just played practical jokes on everyone and used my parents’ influence to get
me out of trouble and buy my way into Harvard. In fact, I know so little about
honest work, I decided to go into politics, because everyone in politics is
just as sleazy and corrupt as I am. And if you vote for me, I’ll keep it that
way!”
If I heard a speech like that, at least I would know it was
sincere, and not just scripted.
