Say it ain’t so, yo! The NHL has locked out the players over
a contract dispute! This is worse than children going without education, only,
you know, not really. But once again, I am here to save the day for you hockey
fans out there! How’s that? Well…
Okay, first I was going to suggest that the NHL players just
go play field hockey in city parks for fun, just to show the NHL owners they
can’t stop them from playing, but I have an even better idea! Yes, that’s
right, I’m suggesting that the NHL players create a fake Ice Capades show in
each city, and just go to the rink dressed up like figure skaters! Surely
nobody would suspect anything if they showed up dressed like Mao Asada and
Daisuke Takahashi, in those glittery spandex outfits with sequins all over the
place and satin flying everywhere, right? And once they got past the door, they could break out the puck and sticks and have a game! You know it would work! (It would be too late to stop them then! Plus, how would it look if they wrestled men dressed up like that to the ground? It might even be a hate crime!)
Of course, if they don’t really want to play hockey, then they
shouldn’t try it. If it’s really just about money, then they won’t bother. But
if they love the sport, then they’ll don the spandex, like every other hockey
fan would! Or something. Of course, if they don’t really care about hockey…
