DirecTV just got a new channel this month called CineMoi, and on this channel, I saw Woody Allen talking about making movies in cities other than New York. And then it dawned on me that he'd been making movies in European cities for a while now, but somehow it didn't sink in that he's really sort of touring around Europe and making movies in their great cities, essentially making love letters to these cities, like he used to do in New York. Well, seeing as how he's doing that, I've got an idea for his next European city-based movie:
It's called Rootin' Tootin' Putin's Moscow, and it could be about a former Soviet bureaucrat-turned-president (again) who finds that his attempts to become the respected elder statesman now that he's reached the age of 60 are constantly stymied by his psychological need to appear macho. So while trying to appear to be the rational guy using logic and judgment to implement policies to represent all the people, he's constantly caught wrestling bears, or catching sharks with his teeth in private aquariums, etc., and getting all the young liberals mad at him, while at the same time making the older people think he's losing his marbles. And the more he does this stuff, the more people see his encroaching man-boobs and elderly flab, and the less macho he appears, while at the same time seeming so much worse in the judgment category.
Oh, but then he meets a young woman that makes him feel young again, and to impress her, he becomes the iron tyrant he's always wanted to be! But then it turns out that it's just one of those Pussy Riot girls in the balaclavas, and she's been making him oppress the people so they'll rise up against him, which they do, but... Yes, I'm afraid that it's too late, for everyone has underestimated him (!). You see, all this bear-wrestling and such has made him into such a badass over the years that he singlehandedly defeats the entire populace from rising up against his government, but ironically, he couldn't have done it without being betrayed by a young lover, which has granted him super-strength in his revenge.
And who better to make such a movie than Woody Allen? There could even be scenes about his ex-wife accusing him of stuff he's never done out of spite for throwing her over for a younger woman, and he throws her into the gulag (a bit of Freudian wish-fulfillment for our director). And the whole point of the movie is to prove that older men are better at everything and more virile, so maybe young women will be tricked into thinking it's true. Except that it doesn't seem to matter anyway, so long as the older man is rich and successful. But this film would buck that trend, showing a younger woman just using the older guy, and getting the consequences for doing so (whereas in real life, the young woman just gets a good divorce lawyer and takes the house and most of the old guy's stuff, rather than getting sent to the gulag).
