Alicia A. Caldwell writes today (for the Associated Press)
that Homeland Security and FEMA are recommending people prepare for a “zombie
apocalypse”, because it’s supposedly, according to them, the same way you’d
prepare for a hurricane, a pandemic, an earthquake, or a terrorist attack, etc.
Um, are they sure that’s correct?
Okay, seriously: this is funny and all, but what would you really do to prepare for a zombie apocalypse? Well, I’d arm
myself to the teeth with guns and ammo, and so would you. Is that what they
think we should do for a natural disaster? I doubt it. They actually come and
appropriate guns before natural disasters sometimes: there is footage of old
ladies getting wrestled to the ground before Katrina because they didn’t want
to give up their only (and legal) self-defense. And I doubt it would be healthy
for them to try to do that when people are prepared for a zombie apocalypse: it
might just get ugly.
And they think it would help to have every American with an
arsenal of lethal firepower, and to shoot everyone in the head, no matter the
emergency? If we act like everyone who comes around is a zombie, and we shoot
them in the head, and they turn out to be just nice people trying to help, can we
blame the government for recommending we prepare for a zombie apocalypse?
(Actually, with the right lawyer, it just might work!)
Look: this is fun and everything, but their logic is
completely wrong here. I guess that’s what happens when non-horror-movie fans
start using horror movies as the basis for their policies. Seriously,
government guys: have you actually watched any of these zombie movies? The government is
always the villain who creates the zombies, and the zombies are generally the
benign (although still quite deadly) threat. (Oh, well. I’m sure they mean
well. I mean, except for when they’re creating zombies for the military and
stuff. And actually, now that I think about it, could it be that they’re
warning us about preparing for a zombie apocalypse because they’ve already made
the zombies, they can’t control them, and they’re about to break free and
attack us all, but the government doesn’t want to just come out and admit it?
I’ll bet that’s it! {Those fiends!})
Here’s the silly story:
