Apparently Joe Biden is railing against a so-called
“territorial tax” system many of his own boss’s advisors support. (So sayeth
Jake Tapper for ABC News!) Well, this reminds me of a better idea I have for
helping American tax revenue. If you just combine the ideas of territorial tax
with gunboat diplomacy (I mean, just using what those terms sound like they mean), then it all adds up to this: Why don’t we
become a pirate nation, using our nuclear subs and aircraft carriers to go
threaten every other nation into paying us a tribute (a “territorial tax”) not
to wipe them out? (Maybe we could even get Johnny Depp to dress up like his
pirate character, and he could be our next president!)
It would be like a really big protection racket, and we could
all just live off the government programs and not ever have to get a job. And
seeing as how there aren’t many jobs to get anyway, this would be perfect for
America’s future! We’ve already got all the weapons, so why not make them work
for us? (I mean, just as a deterrent against countries not paying us, that is.
So they’d still be a deterrent. I mean, unless they won’t pay us our
“tribute”.)
Have you ever noticed how people in the international
community (like the UN) always bash America, but rarely criticize Russia or
China? That’s because they know America won’t kill them for doing it. Well, if
we could make them think we will, then we could collect, shall we say: “libel
charges” for past criticisms, and we could make even more money! Hey, we’ve already got the way, now let’s just make it pay!
(BTW: This is just a joke.)
Here’s the territorial tax tale:
