Tuesday night’s Republican debate opened with a lot of talk about Herman Cain’s “9-9-9 Plan”. Other candidates criticized it, but then Mr. Cain said it was confusing apples and oranges. Then he and other candidates said that they would be replacing apples with oranges in their different arguments. But what would happen if they replaced all of our apples with oranges?
I’ll tell you what would happen: we’d all get sick! An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? Well, once they take away all of our apples and replace them with oranges, we’ll have to go to the doctor all at once, and that would make healthcare costs spike! Oh, but that must be part of their plan!
Yes, these Republicans have been trying to discredit Obama’s health care bill ever since it was passed, and if they take away all of our apples, and we all get sick, that will make the health care plan look awful! Plus, as rich businessmen, all these guys probably own stock in biotech and pharmaceutical companies, so if we all get sick, then they’ll all get rich! So it’s no wonder they’re trying to replace all of our apples with oranges!
Well, I’m onto these guys! I say buy all the apples and apple juice concentrate you can, while you still can, before it’s too late! Then we can foil their dastardly plan to make us all ill! Who’s with me? We’ll stop them yet from beating us all to a pulp with oranges! Then we can say defiantly: “How do you like them apples?”
After all, with no apples, how can we have apple pie? And what’s more American than apple pie? See? So then it’s clear they’re also trying to destroy America by forcing orange pie on everyone! Orange pie: who’s ever heard of such a thing? I’ll bet a commie invented it just to hurt America!
