Hey health nuts: want a chewy snack that’s good for you and good for the environment too? Then try Steven Chu’s Chewy Green Energy Bar! (Oh, did I say “try”? Sorry, I meant to say that you have no choice but to eat them, as they are now a government-mandated snack, just like the other great government-mandated green energy programs such as compact fluorescent light bulbs, etc.) That’s right, the government’s green energy program has now expanded to include energy snack bars! And just like with the other government programs, you’ll do it and like it, because you have no choice!
That’s Chu’s Chewy Green Energy Bars! Easy to find at your local grocer’s, as all other energy bars have now been banned by the government! Naturally flavored with the bad taste of government bureaucracy and incompetence, as well as the bitterness of government oppression: You will eat it and like it or else! But hey, you will like the fact that since it’s the law that you must eat them, as all the other snack bars are now illegal, at least this program won’t go bankrupt like other expensive, money-wasting green energy companies have (like Solyndra, et. al.)!
Yes, this time Steven Chu is putting our tax money where his mouth is: into Chu’s Chewy Green Energy Snack Bars: The snack bars that are great for the environment because they’re 100% compostable! Plus, they’ll help solve the obesity epidemic because they taste so bad, you’ll want to eat less of them! It’s a can’t-miss plan that gets a green light from the government! Now chew on that, taxpayers!
