A silly commercial for some rubber liquid in a can called Flex Seal shows some guy installing a screen door on the bottom of a rowboat and filling the screen in with Flex Seal and then gently rowing it around on the (very calm and shallow) water for a few seconds (he says “all day”, but we know he’s perhaps exaggerating a smidge). So this proves it lasts a lifetime, right? Because after all, if you’re going to fix a hole in your boat with this stuff, your life expectancy can’t be all that long, so maybe they’re being honest-ish after all!
But this scenario (they show other stuff, but it’s really this boat demonstration that’s of interest here) raises some obvious issues, doesn’t it? Like, for instance, couldn’t they have just glued that door on the inside of an unadulterated row boat, and then acted like it’s the only thing on the bottom? I mean, sure, they show us the boat with the door installed in it, but that doesn’t mean it’s the same boat in the water! But even if it is the same boat, the guy is being awfully careful where he puts his feet and stuff, isn’t he? He doesn’t look like he’s got all that much confidence in the stuff, does he? I mean, if it’s really a flexible seal that lasts a lifetime, then why not really prove it?
Here’s how they could prove it in a super duper crazy commercial way: have the guy do the same thing with the screen door on the bottom of the boat, but show them actually putting that same boat into the water, and then show the guy get into the boat. But this is the part of the Amazon river where there are Piranha fish! So the guy takes a leg of pork on the bone, and he drops it into the water. Then the water gets all churned up, and he pulls the leg out, showing how they’ve eaten through it all in seconds! Then, still in the boat, the guy puts on golf shoes: the kind with the metal spikes as cleats on the bottom, and he jumps up and down on the screen part of the door. Well, if this stuff is anywhere near as good as they’re claiming it is, he should be fine, right? But if not, he’ll sink and get eaten.
If he’s not willing to take a chance like that to prove the quality of this product, then I say he doesn’t really believe in it. And if he doesn’t really believe in it, then why should we? So come on: if it’s so good, why not prove it? (Maybe the Jackass guys will try it!)
Here’s the silly spot:
And just for added fun, here’s the ad with the bottom third covered by an annoying opaque banner that says: “As Seen on TV”, or something equally obnoxious:
