Steve Jobs tragically died yesterday. He gave us many wonderful things, but he left us without one great thing that could have given us all hope and distracted us from the pain of his passing: a wild rumor. Yes, the man who has been compared with Jobs so much on the news today, Walt Disney, gave us lots of wonderful stuff, but he also gave us a great wild rumor: that he had himself cryogenically frozen! I saw a show on CNBC about Walt Disney, and they asked people on the street all over the world what they knew about him, and while most didn’t know much, they all knew he had his head frozen or whatever so that he could be brought back by his underlings later to rule the world! This I was hoping to hear from Steve Jobs as well.
I know this is probably too soon to say this, and I’m sorry for those offended by this idea, but didn’t you really privately want to hear that Steve Jobs had his consciousness covertly transferred into a secret Apple robot, and that he would use this robot to conquer the world when the time was right? Or how about that he was cloned in a lab, and that they would presently have a new Steve Jobs as Apple CEO, just as soon as he was finished incubating or whatever? Or maybe he had a medium transfer his spirit into a Mac network, and that he would watch over all of us through our computer screens, keeping us all safe in cyberspace like Tron? I was hoping for a rumor like that. Because, after all, he was the most cutting edge tech guy in the world, so it might even be plausible!
But then again, Walt Disney was a showman first, so maybe it was more in his blood to make a big exit and wow the masses, while Jobs was a private technical genius who liked surprising us all later, when everything was ready. Like when he’s ready to conquer the world with his robot computer cyborg army running OS XX. I’ll bet we’ll hear about it then! And I wouldn’t want to be caught working for Microsoft when that happens!
(Steve Jobs was the guy who made computers cool, in my opinion. I was always bored by them before he made them great. So there’s a big part of me who would like to be able to believe his technological genius could have found a way to keep him alive in a computer or a robot. We need him more than ever now. Well, maybe he didn’t, but maybe he did… Maybe a wild rumor could keep that dream alive!)
Written Thursday, 10/6/11
