I live in California, and it’s really in trouble debt-wise. We’re drowning in red ink. And it’s harder than ever to wash it all off now that we’re being saddled with these new “water saving” (read: “person torturing”) shower heads. Oh, but this is the key to our future prosperity!
Okay, here’s the deal: Everyone who has these new shower heads knows they’re intolerable. We’re left with no water pressure, and a couple-minutes-long shower of yore now takes a half an hour to complete. And we’re still covered with itchy soap scum! It’s ridiculous! But I have the solution to this problem, and it can put the government on solid financial footing too! How can it be done, you ask? It’s simple!
The government should open up a new shower spa club for each town/community, where everyone pays a monthly dues fee like they would for a country club. And what do you suppose they’ll find there? Why, it’s a series of lockers, and then a row of the most beautiful shower stalls imaginable, with whatever water pressure you want. You know the Kohler ads where women are having orgasms in the shower? It will be like that. So everyone can come have a decent shower before work. And they can make extra money by having food trucks serving breakfast that they hand out on your way out to your car. (They take the order on your way in.)
See how great this would be? You just roll out of bed, grab your bag of work clothes, and go to the shower spa! Then you can bathe in radiant luxury and dry off with the most fluffy of velvety towels! Oh, and on the way out you grab your dream breakfast! It’s all included on your monthly tab! And the trick of it is: the government has created the need, and they provide the solution: for a price! That way, they fill the state coffers!
And how can they do this on limited water, you might ask? Well, they don’t cheat: that wouldn’t be fair. They simply replace their lawn with Astroturf, and they redirect all the sprinkler water indoors! You see, we’re allowed to water our lawns; we’re just not allowed to have a decent shower. Unless you want to take a shower on your front lawn in the sprinklers in your bathing trunks! But if you do, they’ll be sure to make that illegal next! Nope, you’ll have to join the state-run shower spa club! It’s the only way to stay clean!
