Anyone who loves classic horror movies probably knows about Salvation Films, a company that releases a lot of groovy European horror movies from the 1960s and 70s. They’ve released a lot of DVDs under the Redemption banner, and included in their movies is generally a video introduction of topless lesbian vampires writing around and biting each other on the neck, and bleeding from their throats all over their boobs, etc. It’s all quite ridiculous, really. But from the very first time I saw one of these intros (on the DVD of The Reincarnation of Isabelle, an extremely silly Italian horror movie), it made me think of how great this kind of thing would make as a kinky adult-oriented commercial for Count Chocula breakfast cereal.
Here’s how it would play out: A sculpted man (or a hot woman) without a shirt on would be seduced by a sexy vampire who would bite their neck with her sharp fangs. Then, as the victim started bleeding, the vampire would grab a bowl full of Count Chocula cereal and put it under the throat wounds, letting the blood spurt into the bowl. Then the vampire would kill the victim and sit down on the bed to enjoy a nice bowl of Count Chocula in blood. Then the announcer would say how Count Chocula stays crispy even in blood, and that the cereal makes the blood chocolaty.
If they played this ad on the adult channels, Count Chocula could probably cultivate a whole new market for their cereal: adult Goths and the bondage crowd. Maybe they could give away a free pair of those plastic glow-in-the-dark vampire teeth in every box, and while the kids would have fun playing with them, their deviant parents could enjoy the private joke over the heads of the oblivious children.
Here’s the website for Salvation Films:
