A ha! So, they finally admit it: Van Gogh was murdered! I knew it!
And who is it who is denying the fact that he was murdered? Why, it’s the guy who runs the Van Gogh Museum and edited his letters! But how can you edit someone’s letters if you’re not there when they’re being written? Which proves he was there, and that he killed him! Otherwise, why would he deny he was murdered? Who is he covering up for, if not himself? We all know it’s true, and that he did it!
Okay, so how and why could he be the killer, you might ask? Well, obviously this guy found out Van Gogh would be the most famous artist with the most valuable paintings of all time, and he used time travel to go back in time to kill him and steal his paintings so he could wait until now to sell them! Isn’t it obvious? And he set up the Van Gogh Museum to get him all famous and make his paintings all valuable so he could sell them for millions!
And naturally, he had to edit Van Gogh’s letters, otherwise we’d read all about how some guy materialized from the future to take all his paintings! So this guy obviously is the one who convinced everyone Van Gogh was crazy, when he was perfectly normal all along! And he did it so nobody would believe Van Gogh about the guy (him!) materializing from another time! And why else would nobody have bought any of Van Gogh’s paintings during his lifetime unless this guy told everyone not to because he was a dangerously violent insane person? That way, this guy could hog all the paintings for himself! And I’ll bet he even cut the guy’s ear off to sell the idea he was nuts!
But I’m onto this guy! Another time-traveling profiteer from the future who goes back in time and just guards his stuff for a century or so. And how could he live that long? Well, obviously he’s an alien. That’s right: I’m breaking the news that Vincent Van Gogh was murdered by aliens! Let the government deny their existence now! I’d like to see them try! They keep crashing UFOs all over the place, and that’s easy to cover up; but now they’re murdering our famous artists! Surely the government must act to protect our cultural treasures now, before it’s too late!
Here’s the story that proves aliens killed Van Gogh:
