Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Pisser

I’m talking about a car here. My father used to work on little sports cars when I was a kid, and I used to help. He always told me that when I turned 16, I could have one of them. But when the time came, he said they weren’t safe or reliable enough, so I got my mom’s old car: a 1978 AMC Pacer Station Wagon. My father was right, a fiberglass car that’s ridiculously unreliable is not a good car for a teenager. But an AMC Pacer Station Wagon? I mean, really!

Well, my friends got one look at this thing, which had been repainted silver since being practically totaled by some lady who drove into my mom, and they named it: “The Pisser”. Well, that name really started taking on an ironic, loving nature once we’d been in it for awhile. You see, this was no ordinary car: it was like Herbie the Love Bug to us: this car was alive!

Okay, first off, I know what you’re thinking: How can a Pacer Station Wagon be cool? Well, think of it this way: Let’s say you’re a kid who gets their dream car, and then someone opens a door into it? Would you care? It might ruin your day, or even your year! But not if you had your mom’s old beat-up car! Who cares? Plus, as a station wagon, it fit all my friends in it at once, so we could all go everywhere together! And, I played bass in a band, so I could fit all my gear into it, plus my guitars, plus my guitarist’s gear and his guitars, and him! It was perfect! Not to mention the fact that it was a tank, and it could take the worst weather and road conditions without a worry. And it was unbelievably reliable! Looking better and better?

Okay, you remember the part about the car seeming like it was alive? Well, here’s where it plays in: Because it was a silly car, we would constantly get these jerks in Trans Ams and Z-28s pulling up beside us at lights, laughing and asking us to race. Well, we would accommodate them, but this AMC Pacer Station Wagon would beat them all! I’m not even joking! I don’t know how it managed it, but we never lost a drag race in that car! But the thing is, as soon as the beaten car would disappear out of sight, the Pacer would conk out and die, and we’d have to pull it over onto the side of the road for 15 minutes before it would start back up again. That, plus many other times it never failed us, convinced us all it was a living being: like John Henry hammering on the mountain, but laying down and dying after he beat the steam shovel: only this one would come back to life!

By the time I moved away from that city, that car had become a legend. It’s hard for a Trans Am, or an Audi to beat all expectations. But for your mom’s old car, you never know! So if you’re a 16-year-old kid, and you get a car, any car: be happy and be grateful! You never know what you might get, plus you can drive! It’s a lot more than everyone can have. And, you won’t worry so much about it like you would a cool car. And sometimes, that’s the greatest gift of all! (You’ll see! Watch your friends’ expensive cars get dented and wrecked: then you’ll see things my way!)

And here’s another thing to think about: Would you rather be the guy in the Trans Am who gets smoked by an AMC Pacer Station Wagon? I’ll bet he’s still in therapy about it!