The State Department recently closed 19 foreign embassies due to a serious but non-specific terrorist threat they picked up through surveillance. Then, today, they closed and evacuated a consulate in Lahore, Pakistan due to a specific bomb threat. Now, this may seem to some like the terrorists only have to make a phone call to make the United States run away, but there is a plan behind these strategic retreats.
Yes, my sources tell me that the Obama Administration is planning to get the terrorists used to getting us to retreat by simply making telephone threats. And the more they get us to retreat with cell phone threats, the more the terrorists will begin to get in the habit of phoning it in. And then, all the terrorists will become couch potatoes, watching cable news all day long in Snuggies to see the effects of their threats, eating lots of snack foods, pizzas, etc. And they'll all stop using the monkey bars and practicing martial arts and such, and they'll just use phone calls to get us to run away. And then, when they're all completely slovenly couch potatoes, they'll get sloppy, and we'll trace their phone threats and send a drone after them, and: Kaboom!
See what a great plan it is? We'll seduce them into our couch potato way of life, and then well get 'em!
