Most people who would complain about breastfeeding only do so because they’re not used to seeing it, right? But there’s one thing most Americans love seeing, and it’s reality TV (especially envelope-pushing shows with prurient elements galore)! So just make some reality TV shows about breastfeeding, like: Extreme Breastfeeders,* or: Real Breastfeeders of New York City, Real Breastfeeders of Beverly Hills, etc. Then you can get lots of hot young moms to go out and breastfeed in public while they act all arrogant and bratty and hyper-privileged and egotistical. And you could have lots of obnoxious model-looking moms go out together and breastfeed in public, and they can get all contentious and combative, just like in the Real Housewives shows, but when they get mad at each other, they can pull their babies off of their boobs and start beating each other over the head with their babies. (Or else they can dump the contents of dirty diapers over each other’s heads. And they could get into baby stroller smashing fights too, just for more over-the-top violent confrontations!) It would be awesome! And if it was just as outrageous and over-the-top conflict-wise as other classics of the genre (like Mob Wives or the Real Housewives series), everybody watching at home would just sit there, engrossed in slack-jawed amazement, and they’d just get used to seeing public breastfeeding, so they’d no longer object to seeing people do it in public places.
And then, as an added bonus, when women breastfeed their babies in public, people might even think they recognize them as being a star of the Real Breastfeeders of Orange County (or wherever else they are). And that will make all public breastfeeders feel like movie stars! (And apparently, attention is what they really crave anyway, or else they wouldn’t be fighting to subject us all to their public breastfeeding all the time. Because after all, there is such a thing as a breast milk pump, and these moms could simply pump their breast milk, put it into bottles, and feed their babies with the bottles in public.)
* The show Extreme Breastfeeders could show women who live on the edge breastfeeding their babies while engaging in extreme activities, like cliff diving, mountain climbing, skydiving, snowboarding, race car driving, surfing, scuba diving with sharks in that chain mail stuff, marathon running, human cannonball, heavy metal guitarist, etc. It would be great! And naturally, it would be sponsored by Mountain Dew Baby Formula. (Goo goo the Dew!)
(P.S.: This is just a joke. I support a mother’s right to public breastfeeding, so long as it’s discreet; I couldn’t care less. Maybe people ought to grow up. It’s not like they’re dancing on a stripper pole: they’re feeding their baby, for God’s sake! Maybe they ought to ban baby bottles as well: they have nipples too! And that’s just obscenely suggestive!)
Here are the facts on the feeding frenzy:
