A video surfaced last night on the news which appeared to be US Marines urinating on dead terrorist insurgents. But it turns out that this video isn’t quite what it seems. While it may look like soldiers are indeed urinating on a dead terrorist, it’s actually a new terrorist-shaped battlefield latrine, designed as a psychological weapon in combat. You see, in battle, American soldiers are simply sitting ducks when they go to the bathroom: defenseless and non-threatening to enemy combatants. But with this new field toilet shaped like a dead insurgent, our fighting troops can go to the bathroom while looking like crazy immoral psychopaths, which frightens and demoralizes the enemy, causing them to fear that they will become toilets themselves for American convenience, and encouraging them to throw down their weapons and surrender. And all our troops have to do is go to the bathroom to win battles! Think of all the lives it could have saved on both sides! And this secret program was working out perfectly, too, until our spoiled sport news media had to go and blow its cover. So now our troops will have to just go to the bathroom in their pants, and it’s all CNN’s fault! (I hope they send all of their soiled trousers to Erin Burnett, care of CNN.*)
(Actually, Hillary Clinton said the guys in this video are “rogue actors” (!). So then that movie Team America: World Police was right: Actors are trying to help terrorists destroy America! I knew it!)
* And, with regard to the news story last night about the video: This was especially interesting to see when you consider that CNN reported on the story without knowing if it was true or not first (Erin Burnett made that clear as she was giddily showing this video and saying how bad it is for America), indicating that they’d rather smear America and put lives at risk first, and check for accuracy later. Oh, and to make it even more outrageous, then they said this type of thing can foment violence and hatred around the world, and put Americans’ lives at risk, still while showing the video anyway and reporting the story as fact before they knew if it was true or not, which means they could have been propagating Anti-American terrorist propaganda for our enemies, but they did it anyway (!). What irresponsible hacks. (CNN: The most treasonous name in news!)
