I keep hearing about how everybody in political campaigns wants to avoid having an “October Surprise”. And who can blame them? It sounds really fattening. And since it’s called an “October Surprise”, it must be related somehow to Halloween, right? So, in keeping with the time-honored tradition of desserts called a “(Something) Surprise”, shouldn’t restaurants begin offering a dessert called an “October Surprise” to their political customers? (Especially when catering to political events.)
So, seeing as how it’s called an “October Surprise”, I propose it to be something like this: A candied pumpkin jackal lantern with chocolate candies inside shaped like donkeys (for Democrats), elephants (for Republicans), question marks (for the surprise), exploding television sets (for the explosive revelation of said surprise), and big protruding lower lips (for the disappointment of losing the election).
So it would be like a Halloween treat for politicians, which would be especially appropriate, since they’re constantly pretending to be something they’re not (honest and caring) all the time, just like little kids do for Halloween when they dress up as monsters and superheroes and stuff. And given that politicians behave all immature and petulant all the time, just like schoolchildren do, hypocritically name-calling, twisting people’s words to make fun of them, and constantly picking on their opponents, spreading exaggerated and twisted gossip about them behind their backs, isn’t it extra appropriate that they should get a Halloween-themed candy treat dessert themselves? Children get Halloween candy, so surely adults that act like children should get some too, shouldn’t they? Plus, politicians and political pundits are far scarier than monsters, and they harm and endanger way more people, too. So then they deserve an “October Surprise”: the dessert that’s like Halloween candy for adults!
It’s the least they deserve for giving us all a year-round horror show!
