Yes, the Republican presidential primary is coming soon to South Carolina, and everyone in the news media is predicting it will be a “bloodbath”. But that’s good, because most of these candidates are getting pretty old looking, and bathing in blood is really good for your skin! Just ask Countess Elizabeth Báthory: she bathed in the blood of maidens she murdered to keep her skin young looking, and it worked! (Just watch the movies about her if you don’t believe bathing in blood will keep you young looking. It totally works in the movies! So that proves it really works! I’m actually surprised nobody is advertising it on TV as a wrinkle cream or some such thing.) And that’s the etymology of the modern word “bath”: it’s in honor of Countess Báthory, and her blood baths! (Okay, no it’s not. But maybe etymologists love horror movies, so it could be true!)
But you know, maybe if any of the Republican candidates start looking younger, the Obama campaign can accuse them of bathing in blood to retain their youthful appearance. And then everyone could say that Republicans not only don’t care about the poor, but they even want to kill them to bathe in their blood! And Countess Báthory was a rich noblewoman, and as such, she’s very much like the image the Democrats like to brand the Republicans with: that of the uncaring rich victimizing the helpless poor. Oh, but then again, I suppose they could just say they were at the primary in South Carolina, and that it was a bloodbath, and that they couldn’t very well help getting some of it on their faces, so it’s not really their fault.
Here’s the Wikipedia page for Countess Elizabeth Báthory:
