Someone on a late night comedy show I love made a joke about making a movie based upon the video game Pong. (I know: lots and lots of people make that joke.) But as ridiculous as the idea is in theory, I believe I have come up with a plot for a Pong movie, and it goes like this:
It’s a dystopian society, people are slaves to an all-powerful, tyrannical government, and the populace is always on the verge of a revolt. So, to quell the revolt, and give a blood sport entertainment to the people, as well as a way for some people to earn their way out of bondage, there is a mortal combat game called Pong where warriors can volunteer to play against one another to the death. (Yes, ripping off the basic plot of The Hunger Games, which ripped off the plot of Deathrace 2000. Hey, it worked then, so why not rehash it again now? Oh, just because of that other sci-fi movie that rips off The Hunger Games? Why, can you ever truly have enough rip-offs? Plus, the other rip-off does not use the famous Pong video game moniker that’s sure to attract all the teens to the theaters!)
So, okay, the game Pong is played with deadly laser balls like ball lightning, and each player must bounce the ball off of their armored chest plate back to the other player, and having the laser ball hit any other part of your body, or missing it too many times, means instant death!
But it’s not enough! (Oh, um, spoiler alert?) And the citizens revolt when their champion is killed despite winning against the government’s burliest bully; and so they rise up, hack all the officials to death, and then the people all play Pong with their repressors’ severed heads and old tennis racquets. The End.
