Thursday, October 30, 2014

Wake Up, America! (Brand Coffee)

We have such a large, healthy, thriving conspiracy theory community here in America, so isn’t it time they were considered as a marketing demographic all their own? The age demographics are so outdated nowadays, so why not target markets based on interest? That way product ads could really connect with their consumers!

And with the conspiracy crowd so consistently shouting at us to: “Wake up, America!” doesn’t this suggest a product brand name, like maybe Wake Up, America! brand conspiracy coffee? Ads could scream that Wake Up, America! brand conspiracy coffee “opens your eyes and wakes you up to all the conspiracies around you, guaranteed!”

Wouldn’t you drink Wake Up, America! brand conspiracy coffee? Each package comes with a free tinfoil-hat-shaped coffee mug that you can put on your head after you finish drinking the coffee, which is guaranteed to block out all government attempts at mind control.