New England Patriots Commandeer Russian Nuclear Submarine, Claim it Was a Gift

Today the seas just got a little rougher when a Russian nuclear submarine was boarded by the football team the New England Patriots, who then tackled their way into control of the vessel, sparking an international incident. But the New England Patriots claim the submarine was a gift from Russian president Vladimir Putin, who, pleased with his Super Bowl ring and the thoughtful gesture of Patriots owner Robert Kraft, gave them the gift of the nuclear submarine so that the Patriots can threaten their way into winning every Super Bowl from now on. Football analysts claim the Patriots may need such firepower behind them now that they have drafted Tim Tebow to play for them. (<Just kidding! Tebow has already been sacked, as in let go from the team.)