Friday, June 14, 2013

New Starbucks Nicotine Latte

Recently Starbucks banned smoking outside of their stores so that people could enjoy their coffee without dying immediately from second-hand smoke. (Starbucks doesn't want to lose even the price of one single latte to smoking-related illnesses. I mean, they want to help prevent smoking-related diseases, by charging so much for their coffee, their customers who smoke will no longer be able to afford to buy cigarettes. Or something...) Oh, but they don't want to lose their smoking clientele to cigarette breaks at alternate locations either, so they're introducing something to help ease the nicotine cravings with a new Nicotine Latte.

The new drink will contain as much nicotine as a single cigarette, so customers who drink them will become addicted to the nicotine as well as the caffeine, so they'll never be able to stop buying coffee drinks from Starbucks. I mean, customers will be aided in quitting smoking by a company that really cares about its customers' health. Plus, Starbucks high prices will ensure that smokers who quit will not be able to afford enough food to gain weight, as so many former smokers tend to do.

(Just kidding! They're not making a nicotine latte.)