To the tune of "We Are Siamese", from the Disney movie, Lady and the Tramp:
We are legalese if you please,
We are legalese if you don't please,
You can't speak our lexicon but we sure can,
We will confuse your mind every bit we can.
Law-speak has your mind swimming round and round,
With our complex jargon we can make it drown,
If we're written up complex and carefully,
We can make your head explode: oh, hee hee hee.
We are legalese if you please,
We are legalese if you don't please,
Over our fine print you'll have to read a while,
The confusing stuff will fill you up with bile.
Try to fathom our content we'll make you cry,
You don't understand us but you still must try,
We're written for this purpose so exactingly,
We require hired lawyers to translate, you'll see.
We are legalese if you please,
We are legalese if you don't please,
You can't speak our lexicon but we sure can,
We will confound your life every bit we can.
We'll tie your brain into knots, that is our plan,
We will frustrate you till you scream out: "God damn!"
Here's the song from the movie (Some claim this song is racist {It sure sounds like it nowadays, but when I was a toddler in the movie theater in the 1970s, I didn't really notice it so much}, but I doubt confusing legal documents will get such support from people):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92PDgLHAFCw
(This song "We Are Legalese", my joke version of the song "We Are Siamese", would be sung normally, though, and not in the insensitive affectation voice used for the movie.)
Come to think of it, this silly song about how frustrating legal documents can be might make a fun ad for a business like LegalZoom, where you can get legal documents made up simply and easily without all the infuriatingly obtuse legalese mumbo jumbo (supposedly...).
Yes, in fact, in my view, the best way to go about making an ad for LegalZoom (or a similar company) with this song would be to make an animated cartoon where someone is frustratedly trying to read and comprehend their legal paperwork when it actually comes to life, resisting them, and begins singing this song, hypnotizing them with spinning spiral-patterned eyes (like the snake does to Mowgli in Disney's The Jungle Book), during which it proceeds to elongate itself, wrapping itself all around the person like a constrictor snake, until the person is completely wrapped up, trapped within, and literally consumed by the paperwork. And then the announcer could say: "Are you tired of being wrapped up in legal paperwork? Then get your legal papers done the easy way with LegalZoom."
