Oh my God: there are murderers waiting for all of us in our cars! Aaaaa! But thankfully, at least one (and I guess only one) car company cares if we're murdered or not: Volvo. (Yes, I guess all the other car companies send assassins to kill us in our new cars, which they have extra copies of the keys for, and they have us all killed so they can sell our cars to someone else as "certified pre-owned" cars: that's how they know it's a reliable car: it's really brand new, so they don't even need to bother checking it or doing any maintenance on it!) And so Volvo has some little detection device on their key fob remote that will let you know if it detects a heartbeat in your car when it's supposed to be empty, so as to protect you from this dastardly scheme by so many car companies and (presumably) dealerships.
Oh, but with everyone always trying to hide in our cars and kill us all the time, why don't they at least give us something to fight back with? Do they want us to be defenseless? I mean, how about a button on the remote that lets you release some poison gas to kill whomever is waiting in your car for you to come back so they can kill you? That way we can have our revenge on these maniacs! Oh, whoops: you forgot you left your dog or kids in the car? Oh, well: you can always just adopt new ones. In fact, maybe that's what these "there's a madman in your car waiting to kill you" ads are all about: getting us all so paranoid that we'll end up accidentally killing our friends, family and pets in a panic of reflexive self-defense so that we'll adopt new ones. And so I guess Volvo must also run some sort of adoption service as well, and that's how they make their extra money, rather than assassinating their clients for the certified pre-owned program, like all other car companies are always doing. (Just kidding: they're only doing it most of the time: Mwa ha ha!)
Here's the slaughter-saving sensor spot with the dastardly deed deterring device demo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUsg8R2DVj4
(Of course, this is just a sick & twisted silly joke, because not that many people are really going to try to kill you in your car. At least not today. Or I don't think so; but let me check. {You're not doing that to them today, are you, Victor?} No, you're safe; at least for now...)
