Oscar the Grouch always sings about how he loves trash, and now we know why: because all of our personal information is in there! It turns out that he's just a dumpster-diving ID thief, and whenever he gets caught in the trash, he just pretends to be a grouch and sings about how much he loves trash. Why, the nerve of this guy!
Investigators caught Oscar living in a bejeweled solid gold and platinum trash can on Miami Beach, sipping the world's most expensive Champagne, bought through Christie's auction house, in his own trash can hot tub with a bevy of high-priced call girls. But Oscar claims NYC recycling program regulations made him do it!
So who's really to blame here: the perp or the system, man?
(Just kidding! Oscar's being framed by SpongeBob SquarePants!)
