Friday, February 17, 2017

Country Crock Animated Dinosaur Suit Ad

This Pixaresque spot for Country Crock fake butter spread has a little kid in a Tyrannosaurus Rex (or Allosaurus) costume saying dinosaurs eat meat, but his mother tells him the biggest dinosaurs ate plants, and he says she’s lying and bites her face off. Okay, actually, he doesn’t bite her face off, because he’s not even a real dinosaur. They tricked us! There’s no truth in advertising!

Okay, just kidding, there is some truth in advertising, I guess. (<My sponsors made me say that, but don’t believe them!)

So then this becomes some tortued metaphor for Country Crock, which is some margarine or whatever it is, and the baby dinosaur who wanted to eat meat now has to settle for saturated fats melted onto vegetables: a lethal combination for meat-eating dinosaurs! But does the baby dinosaur’s mother care? No! (I am calling dinosaur child protective services; and they eat negligent parents of meat-eating dinosaurs both real and imaginary.)

Actually, what this ad reminds me of most is my grammar school friendship with a Jehovah’s Witness. You see, Jehovah’s Witnesses apparently, if my experience is the usual one, believe literally what is in their mistranslated Bible, and ONLY what’s in their mistranslated Bible. And they don’t want their children contaminated with ideas from infidels like me, so my friend, my best friend at the time (second grade), was never allowed to come over to me house; I could only go over to his house. And one time I brought over a plastic dinosaur which my friend’s mom immediately took away from me because I said it ate meat. Well, she revealed to me the truth, which is that all dinosaurs only ate plants because that’s what the Bible says (something about the sea monsters ate the vegetation of the land, or whatever it said), and I took her word for it. Actually, I didn’t: I contradicted her, which made her force Bible study on us in lieu of play. And I am ashamed to say so, although maybe not as ashamed as I should be, but I wished a big Tyrannosaurus Rex would have appeared to prove her wrong by eating her right then and there. And then my friend would have been able to come over to play at my house, where my family would have all conspired to mislead him with heresy all the time just to make Jehovah mad.

And so, I think this ad should be made into a Jehovah’s Witness version where the kid wears the dinosaur suit and tells his mother dinosaurs eat meat, and then his mother says the Bible says the dinosaurs only ate plants, and now he has to go do Bible study for the next four hours. And just for that, he can’t have any of the plants she was cooking with Country Crock: the only margarine that’s Jehovah’s Witness approved! Witness its great taste for yourself, unless Jehovah commands you against doing it because of your heresy!

Here’s the man-masticating margarine marketing:

And here’s another animated fake dinosaur ad that makes just about as much sense as this one, only it’s a lot more fun: “Petroleum Pete”, from Robot Chicken: