I was listening to NPR today in my car, like I always do whenever I drive anywhere locally, and they had some big piece and quiz on the American flag, since it’s close to July 4th. Anyway, they had some “facts” about the flag, but mostly it was a bunch of misinformation and nebulous ambiguosity. They would ask about why the colors are red, white and blue, and then they had some “expert” on who said he didn’t know, and that nobody knows, except for that it says it has to be those colors in the original flag document thingy from olden times. Then there was some other stuff that he seemed to know about, which went completely counter to how we treat the flag today, like that it’s not allowed to be used for advertising (!) purposes. Really? We’re a free-market capitalist economy, and we can’t use the flag in advertising? Not even for a President’s Day sale? How about a Memorial Day sale? You mean, not even for a Flag Day sale? Surely you can use a flag in advertising for that! (And what about to advertise a store that exclusively sells American flags and American flag paraphernalia? Not even for that purpose? But, but...)
So then they asked the question: “Did Betsy Ross really make the first American flag?” So this “flag expert” said that no, she didn’t (!). So I was expecting him to say that while it was generally in the national subconscious that Betsy Ross designed and made the first American flag, it was actually, in fact, designed and made by (such-and-such a person). But he didn’t say that! He said nobody knows, and there is no record of it anywhere, so Betsy Ross didn’t do it! In fact, he continued, the only actual evidence for her being the person who made the first American flag is that she and her sister signed sworn affidavits to that effect before they died, and that she was the only recognized flag-maker in Philadelphia at the time the first flag was made.
So, basically, he’s calling Betsy Ross a liar, just because he can’t find some old book about it written by a jerk like him, and right before the Fourth of July too! What an asshole! Yeah, dude: way to get everyone to mistrust our national history! Great job, douche-bag! So by that logic, nobody ever designed or made the first American flag, and so we obviously don’t have an American flag now. Oh, but we do have one now, don’t we? And since Betsy Ross’s signed oath says that she did it, combined with the fact that she was the default flag-maker of Philadelphia at the time it first appeared, in addition to the fact that nobody else has claimed otherwise, isn’t that better than saying: “We don’t know who made it.”? I mean, really! We're starting to get into: "Does a tree falling in the forest make a sound if nobody is around to hear it?" territory when we get as anal as that guy about the validity of accepted historical facts! It's not like there's some hidden, malicious agenda behind her claim, so why bother contesting it? Seriously, if he didn't see it, he probably thinks it never happened! What a jerk!
Honestly, this guy just hates America because he’s jealous he didn’t get to make the first American flag! In fact, I heard he thinks he has a way better design for the American flag than the one we’ve been using for over 200 years, but that every time he tries to suggest his design to replace the current flag, everybody laughs at him and beats him up! So that’s why he’s always running around trying to discredit Betsy Ross! Plus, I think he dated her once, and she dumped him! And then I heard she went around telling everyone at school that he had bad breath and a small dick. Well, I’d be mad too if she did that to me, but I still wouldn’t try to say she was lying about making the first American flag, because that’s just sinking to her level, and then I’d be no better than she is!
So what was I talking about again? Oh, right: the American flag. Yeah, so then NPR had this segment where they said: “And now we’re going to go ask people out on the street what they think about the American flag.” So wait; let me get this straight: there are people lying out in the middle of the street, probably bleeding to death because they got hit by a car or something, and the NPR reporter is going to ask them what they think about the flag, rather than call them an ambulance? Isn’t that depraved indifference or something? Shame on them! You know, it’s stuff like this that makes Republicans say that NPR hates America, I’ll bet! And if they’re going to call Betsy Ross a liar and then go tease accident victims who need help, maybe they really do!
