The Casey Anthony murder trial has everyone super-duper-interested in chloroform again. As if anyone could ever think about anything else to begin with. That’s probably why she looked it up on the internet so many times. Hey, if it’s so not-look-up-on-the-internet-able, then how come everyone’s talking about it? (Maybe they’re all murderers! {allegedly!})
This big hubbub about chloroform reminded me of what we all know about chloroform, which is that bad guys always use it to knock people out so they can abduct them. This is a great and honored tradition in movies, and do you know why? Well, it’s because when you go to see a movie, you can’t smell what’s happening up on the screen in the theater! (<Unless it’s a John Watters movie, that is!) Yes, if you’ve ever had occasion to be around chloroform before, you’d know that what you see them doing with it in a movie would never work in real life for one simple reason: chloroform has a very strong odor!
That’s right: if you’ve ever smelled actual chloroform in a science lab or a hospital, or while out abducting enemy spies or whatever, you’d know how singularly inappropriate it is for use in catching people by surprise. Yes, if you try pouring it on a rag and hiding around a corner from your intended victim, you’d quickly discover two things: 1.) it smells really bad, and the aroma travels very quickly, so that your prey would smell it (and smell a rat!) miles away, and would know something was up and would run away, and 2.) it would probably end up knocking you unconscious before your victim could even get anywhere near to where you are. Plus, it might even begin to dissolve your hand (not that you’d be awake for it)! Yes, it’s very volatile, and it turns to gas almost immediately (which spreads its aroma around very quickly), and it stinks! So it basically screams: “THERE’S SOMEONE HIDING AROUND THE CORNER TRYING TO KIDNAP YOU!!!”
Yes, I’m afraid chloroform isn’t the best way to immobilize your target. It’s just too unreliable and sloppy. Plus, if it didn’t scare them away and you got to use it on them, it could easily kill your abductee by accident before you can even interrogate them, which totally spoils all the fun. So I’d recommend a taser or something like that. But I’m not an expert or anything. Although I have encountered chloroform before, so according to Florida prosecutors, that means I must be a murderer.
