Yes, there’s a new X-Men movie coming out, and I guess this time they’re going to try to tell us why Magneto became evil or whatever. But we all know what really happened, right? Come on! We were all in school, weren’t we? And we all know what happens to anyone who is at all “different” in any way.
Yes, that’s correct: Magneto made the rather stupid mistake of telling his classmates he was going to be a big superhero called “Magneto” (pronounced: Mahg-neet’-oh). So, naturally, all the class bullies would ride him all the time after that by calling him Magnet-O (pronounced like the word magnet + the letter “O”), or else they’d call him (please pardon this expression*) “Fag-neeto”, or whatever else they could think of to jerk his chain. Or maybe they’d say: “Oh, neeto! It’s Magneto!” And then they’d make sure to not bring any metal stuff on them to school, so that when he got mad, they could still kick his ass. You know that’s what happened! He doesn’t want to destroy humans because we’re all evil; he just got picked on in high school!
They can do all this: “army bad; mutants good” stuff they want to, but if that’s true, then why don’t we make all of our nuclear missiles out of plastic? If the army really wanted to kill the mutants, wouldn't they build new super-weapons to resist their powers? I got you there, didn’t I? See: I told you it’s all lies! The army never planned on killing the mutants! Bullying explains everything. Magneto is still just mad he got picked on in school, and the soldiers are just standing in for those bullies. It also explains why the mutants are all in hiding: they’re tired of being picked on!
* I’m sorry about that. I’m not trying to insult or demean anyone, but that was the most used insult word in school when I went, so I have to assume it’s what they would have used to tease Magneto. Plus, it rhymes.
