Yes, on Fox News today, I heard a young lady anchorperson introducing the next story about drug-testing requirements for welfare recipients by saying that indeed she had been drug-tested for her current job. Well, that got me thinking: could this be politically motivated? Just think about it, and it will all become crystal clear! (Unless you’re stoned, that is…)
So, how could drug testing be politically motivated? Ah-duh-y! She works for Fox News, and I think like 50% of their stories are about family-values stuff like the evils of drugs, promiscuity, premarital sex, abortions, “dirty dancing”, etc., right? (That’s all part of the fun of watching Fox News!) So then, they have to drug test her to be sure she’s not a “wolf in sheep’s clothing”: i.e.: a liberal spy. (If you knew the political ads in California, you’d have an extra level of meaning here!*) Sure, I guess you could be a liberal spy and not test positive for drugs, but you most certainly could not possibly be anything other than a liberal spy if you do test positive for drugs! Everyone knows that!
But this got me thinking: if Fox News uses drug testing as a way to identify potential enemies in their midst, would liberal-leaning networks do the same thing? They might, but obviously they’d have to do it in reverse: only people who tested positive for drugs could be trusted there, or else they might be Republican spies! It may not be the most reliable test, but it would probably be reliable most of the time. And that’s more than we can say for any of these networks!
* (Actually, I shouldn't cheat like this, but I'll clue you into what I mean even if you're not from California.) Here are a couple of links to the “Demon Sheep” ads:
