“Scientists” are now saying that sugar is so toxic to humans, it should be regulated like alcohol (!). That’s a perfect idea: let’s make a new law that says you have to be 21-years-old before you’re allowed to have any sugar. And then see if we don’t get a mini-mafiosi underworld of sugar-smuggling assassins everywhere leaving a sucrose-stained smear of bloody violence in their wakes! You think the drug gangs are bad? Just try outlawing sugar!
I dare you!
I dare you!
They’ll probably punish their enemies by drilling out their teeth (like in The Marathon Man) just so everyone knows who did it! (Because it would be like cavities.) Never mind what the candy companies will do! You really don’t want to see Willy Wonka when he’s angry (!). He’s got armies of Oompa Loompas and Vermicious Knids! And he’s not afraid to use them, either! (After all, he’s got a Great Glass Elevator to escape in if things go wrong; and without the Space Shuttle, we can't even chase after him!)
But this is obviously the latest government spearhead of health food force-feeding for our children, isn’t it? And for those who don’t comply, they’ll leave their severed heads on asparagus spears as a warning to the others! Eat healthy or die! (And they don’t mean from the food!)
Here’s the sugary-sweet story:
