A little over a decade ago, I seem to recall that there was
a lawsuit between Jello Biafra and the rest of the band Dead Kennedys over
royalties or something, and the accusation was made by Biafra that the other
bandmates simply wanted to “sell out” and allow the song “Holiday in Cambodia”
to be used in a Levi’s ad. Now, I could see why a brand like Levi’s would want
that kind of underground cool associated with their brand, but if you’re going
to put Dead Kennedys songs in TV ads, then shouldn’t they be germane to the
product somehow? After all, their songs made statements, and just using it as
background music seems like a waste! What do I mean? Well, here are some
examples of how I feel Dead Kennedys songs could be used appropriately in ads:
“Kill the Poor”: Some SuperPAC could make an ad about
welfare reform, and talk about how anyone who tries to fix the system so it’s sustainable really just wants to (and the song’s chorus starts): “Kill
kill kill kill kill the poor, kill kill kill kill kill the poor (etc.)!” (Or
maybe they could use it as an attack ad against some candidate {probably a
Republican: like, say, maybe Mittens}, claiming he wants to: “Kill kill kill kill kill the poor…”)
“Stealing People’s Mail”: Some identity-theft-protection
service could start their ad with this song, which describes delinquents
knocking down mailboxes and stealing people’s mail, and then the ad could talk
about how stolen mail can lead to identity theft, etc., and they can protect
you, blah, blah…
“Dog Bite”: (This one is a little bit tricky, since they’d
have to alter the lyrics somewhat. But this whole post is just a joke, so I
really hope they don’t get mad at me! I’m actually a big fan of theirs!) In an
ad for Beggin’ Strips brand dog treats, the song “Dog Bite” could be altered to
sing: “Dog bite, Beggin’ Strips! Makes Spot, lick his lips!” And: “Dog bite,
Beggin’ Strips! Makes Spot, want mo-o-ore! Mo-o-ore!”
“Too Drunk To F*ck”: Well, this one would be perfect for
Viagra or Cialis, wouldn’t it? (Maybe as an internet-only ad?) And the song
could play, and then the announcer could chime in and say: “Think you’re too
drunk to f*ck? You’re never too drunk to f*ck with Cialis, because it works for
a full 36-hours, so you’ll be ready anytime the moment is right! And yes, even
if you think you’re too drunk to f*ck! No more excuses: Cialis makes it
happen!”
“Your Emotions”: This song says: “Your emotions, make you a
monster!” So then this song would work well logically in an ad for an
antidepressant like Paxil or Abilify. Or maybe they could use it for some
PMS-relief like Midol or something. The announcer could say, after the chorus:
“Are your emotions making you into a monster? Then try (product), and you’ll be
tamed fast, guaranteed!”
Well, this is all just a big joke, so I hope Dead Kennedys
don’t make me one of the Dead Gregorys for writing this! If they haven’t caved
for ads yet, they probably never will. But remember the Ramones? Once the
original songwriters (mostly) all died, their music found its way into lots and
lots of ads! So someday, maybe we’ll hear “Funland at the Beach” in an ad for
Coppertone? Maybe? Or maybe “California Über Alles” for Jerry Brown’s next
re-election campaign ads? (It is about
him, so it would be perfect! Maybe Brown could even claim “Fair Use”? It would
definitely have lots of hipster appeal if he used it “ironically” in his
campaign.) Or how about having “Let’s Lynch the Landlord” become the theme song
for The Rent Is Too Damn High Party? No? Too far, that one?
