I’ll never forget visiting Paris for the first (and only) time during college, and my college friend/host who was from there introducing me to something called “Parmalat”: It was a kind of European milk that never had to be refrigerated, and never went bad either. I remember thinking to myself, not to mention saying out loud: “Why don’t we have that in America?” (Was it a Communist plot?) It just seemed like some kind of protectionist cartel or something could be the only possible reason for us not to have this type of milk, especially when it’s really only a simple process of high-temperature pasteurization that converts the milk into Supermilk! (Superman theme music, please!) So what a gyp that we didn’t have it! Were they depriving us or something? Were we bad, and were being sent to bed without our unsourable milk?
Oh, but something very odd happened! It seems that in 2003, this company that makes the Miracle Milk™ (It’s not actually a trade mark: that’s just a joke.) went bankrupt (!!). How: how is it even possible that the company that made it so Europeans never had to worry about the date on their milk, nor whether or not it even fit in the fridge, could go bankrupt? It boggles the mind! It beggars belief! (And in this economy, belief is tired of beggars!) So, how could this even happen, you might ask? Did the laissez-faire Europeans simply take this miracle of the future for granted, and hence it failed? Could it have been their own decadent, spoiled sense of entitlement that made them allow this space-age Godsend to be “put out to pasture”? (Isn’t is odd how Pasteur and “pasture” are such similar words?)
I don’t really know what happened with Parmalat, but apparently, they had a $20 Billion shortfall in their budget, and they went belly-up. Maybe since the milk was incorruptible, corruption festered in the corporation somewhere, and you just can never really get rid of curdling in milk-related industries: if you remove it from the milk, it simply pops-up elsewhere! (The company still exists, though: Yay! They still remain under-appreciated by Americans, however: Boo!) So while I don’t really know what “went bad” at Parmalat and “spoiled” their liquidity and “soured” their company’s reputation, I do have a theory, and it goes something like this:
Perhaps with the advent of Parmalat, Europeans became spoiled in the place of their milk, and with no sell-by dates on the milk to remind them, they forgot that time was passing, and that life was a precious, limited commodity. Maybe without having to check the date on the milk, life for Europeans seemed sweet and creamy, and they frittered all their time away on trifles, and by the time they realized the clock was ticking down upon their meaningless existences, they finally woke up to the wasted lives and empty promise they had milked dry, dying in a puddle of tears and, um, lactose intolerance. (Sorry, I ran out of milk metaphors. No, wait…) And while their mustaches went white with the passage of time, rather than white from being stained with milk, they finally recognized that life is a finite resource that must be seized (and squeezed) and lived moment to moment, savoring every drop, like uh, milk or something. And without the dates on milk cartons, and the harsh penalties dealt out to those who fail to heed its warnings, life will pass you by, just like a milk truck. (Or maybe like an ice cream truck, if you’re trying to tell a kid about this.) So savor the “culture”, and “curdle” your talents into something that lasts: something that will whitewash your “whey”-sted moments with, er, um, strong bones and teeth. (So basically, go dig up bones like an archaeologist or a paleontologist. I think.)
So don’t let your dreams sour while you become calcified with age: chew the cud of life while you still can, and let the culture transform you into something solid and lasting, even if you think it seems cheesy to do so. Permit yourself to be whipped up into the frothiness of exhilaration, and don’t let anyone burst your bubbles! Life is rich with rewards, and the cream rises to the top! So churn your efforts on an on, and you will be richly rewarded! Don’t let your approaching expiration-date sour your outlook on life: for life is as fresh as you make it! And then you will find it is indeed good to the last drop!
And the date stamped on the milk carton will remind you to seize the day, and make all of this life-affirming and productive stuff possible!
And the date stamped on the milk carton will remind you to seize the day, and make all of this life-affirming and productive stuff possible!
Or else maybe everybody prefers their milk cold. Or maybe the milk got tired of being taken for granted, and it stole (re-moo-ved) all the company funds. Who knows? And maybe Parmalat had to kowtow to their cows to nurse the company back to health! (Sorry about all the milk & cow puns: They horned-in on this post and made me do it!)
Here’s the Wikipedia page for Parmalat, so you’ll see they really did go bankrupt in 2003:
