My sister likes to feed her family healthy food, so her freezer is always full of fake meat stuff. This I find hard to understand. Either meat is bad for us, so we shouldn’t eat it; or else it’s awesome, and we’re depriving ourselves of it: it can’t be both. (Can it?) And if meat is so bad, then how come there are so many products pretending to be meat? But the funniest thing I think I’ve ever seen in this mock meatesque milieu, even sillier than the fake bacon called “Fakin’”, and all the other stuff, is something she buys called: “Meatless Chicken Nuggets”. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Okay, I get the vegetarian thing: meat is evil, and animals are all so nice and friendly, so let’s just eat veggies, man! (Until the vegetables get their revenge…!) But that’s not what this product says it is. It doesn’t say: “Vegetarian Chickenesque Nuggets”, or “Phony Chicken-Style Hippie Nuggets”; it says: “Meatless Chicken Nuggets” (!). So what’s in the “Meatless Chicken Nuggets”? It says they’re chicken nuggets, but that they’re meatless. So, what: does that mean they’re feathers, or beaks, breaded into nuggets? Are they marrow and sinew and other chicken offal? What are they made of? I’m just curious.
And that gets me to another thing: They’re making so much fake meat stuff, and calling it fake meat, when are they just going to bite the bullet and make “meatless sausage”? (Maybe someone already has!) And when they do make meatless sausage, will they be fair about it? I mean, sausage is yummy, but it’s made of gross stuff, right? So will the “meatless sausage” be made of vegetarian offal and stuff like that? Will it be made of all the stuff that wasn’t good enough to go into the veggie burgers or vegetable soup, like roots and skin shavings and all the cut-off parts? Because that’s the only way it would really be veggie sausage. And would it really be good for you?
