Next Sunday (C’est Dimanche prochain!), France is having their Presidential election, and François Mitterand is going up against, um… Wait. Well some French guy is challenging some other French guy, I think. (I’m joking: it’s obviously that hot fashion model’s husband who’s running for re-election! And it would have been that hooker guy running against him, but he got busted or something. See? I know what’s going on in France!) And since we have an illustrious tradition of trying to insult France and then tie their policies to each other when running for office here in America, maybe they could do the same thing in France! After all, what’s good for the goose is good for the pâté, right? Or something like that. (Or is that foie gras? I’m not allowed to know, because I’m an American, and French stuff is “extrem verboten!”, as France is apparently our national scapegoat of political expediency!)
So hey, French presidential candidates, why not bash America back? We’ve knocked you guys around for years, right? If you don’t hit back, you might look like you’d easily cave-in and surrender to, um, uh… Oh, never mind! But why not try to insult one another by suggesting that they want to re-name French Fries as “Freedom Fries”, or make the national dish a hamburger, or something like that. Pin an American flag onto your opponent in an attempt to win, that’s all I’m saying! (And to further bash America, you could rename the hamburger the "Socialist Steak Sandwich". Or has France done this already to get revenge for "Freedom Fries"?)
And just in case you’re not sure what to do, here’s a suggestion: Since Republicans in America are always insulting “French-style Socialism”, why not bash “American-style Capitalism”? Oh, what’s that you say? You’ve already been doing that for years? Wow, I guess I’m not as up on French politics as I thought!
But in all seriousness, President Sarkozy could claim his challenger, François Hollande, is secretly a spy from Holland, but that he’s too dumb to think up a better fake last name to try to trick everyone with! (That’s what we’d do in American politics! {Remember Barack “Hussein” Obama?} And that’s why America is #1!)
Here’s the Socialist story:
