(Part of the unconditioned response “Titanic Weekend”: It gives you “that sinking feeling”!)
I keep hearing about all the bad things global warming will do to us, but here on the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, I think some definite advantages are becoming clear. Remember the movie Titanic? Well, what happened to everybody’s favorite class-leaping hero at the end? That’s right: he froze to death in the water! Oh, but with global warming, if the Titanic were to sink today, perhaps Leonardo DiCaprio would survive in the water and live to marry Kate Winslet, and then their granddaughter could have inherited that priceless necklace to hawk for cash and blow it all on a gambling debt for her deadbeat boyfriend or something! Now wouldn’t that be better? Oh, but then Leo probably would have become some war-profiteer munitions manufacturer and sold out to the Nazis or something! I knew that guy was a wrong one the moment I laid eyes on him! Billy Zane was right about him! And with warmer water, he would survive to destroy the world in a rain of fire and brimstone! So I guess global warming really is a bad thing! Never mind: forget what I said before.
