North Korea might launch a rocket or something. That’s so scary. I hope it’s just a spy satellite or something, because then they’re really wasting their time: they could just log into Google Earth! But this is a huge threat nonetheless! How do I know this? Well, just check out what CNN said tonight!:
Some guy pretending to be Erin Burnett (I wasn’t fooled!) said: “…at this moment, the best spies, rocket science cysts (whatever they are! {That’s what he said!}), and weapons analysts around the planet, have all eyes on that secretive nation, waiting for a rocket to blast into space…” So, why is this a threat? Well, duh! All the spies and rocket science cysts (I’ll assume he meant “rocket scientists”, just for fun) and weapons analysts have all their eyes pointed at North Korea’s launch pad, right? So, then, who’s watching all of our enemy spies, rockets, and weapons-in-need-of-analysis? Someone could just go and steal or sabotage them all, and we’d be none the wiser until: either, BOOM!, or: “Hey, where’s that spy/rocket/weapon-I-was-supposed-to-analyze?”
Oh, but this is just the beginning! Because with them announcing this on the news like CNN did, that they’ll all be busy looking elsewhere, this is the perfect opportunity for some young punks to swipe and hide all their keys! Then they’ll be all like: “Well, we just dodged a bullet there! Hey… Where are my keys?” Then they’ll all be so busy looking for their keys, nobody will be holding the fort, and North Korean Communism will conquer the world! And this is their dastardly plan: misdirection, snarky vandalism, and world domination! (Just like the last time North Korea conquered the world! We should have been ready: Ready, I say!! {You’ll see, when we’re all eating kimchee in the Gulag!})
Here’s the secret scary story:
