I keep hearing politicians and political pundits complaining about the trend for young gentlemen to wear their pants so that the waist part is worn around the mid-thigh level, and their underwear sticks out of their pants. And naturally, this type of disapproval from old squares is exactly the type of reaction they’re looking for: it’s simply cat-nip for teenagers! Plus, it’s a fashionable way to say: “Up yours!” to “the man”. But more and more we’re seeing a push by school administrations and local lawmakers to ban such stylish expressions of youthful rebellion. But I have a solution to this conundrum! (But, naturally, since an “old square” thought it up, it will be rejected out of hand by our nation’s youth! That’s why I’m going to pretend to be a hot young woman on Facebook when I propose it!)
So look, we all know that the waist levels on pants are going down and down and down. That’s just a progression of extremism of rebellion over time, as youth is wont to do. Pretty soon, there won’t even be a waist or crotch on pants, especially jeans, anymore at all: they will simply be two separate leggings with an elastic top that hang from just about at mid-thigh level, and then underwear will be worn around the crotch area. (This is my prediction! Well, actually it’s just a joke. But that’s logically where it would be headed, since it’s not really possible for the pants to get much lower than they are nowadays any other way. Well, unless they started wearing Bermuda shorts around their knees. Maybe that’s next!) But there is a simple solution to this problem that will make everyone happy! What is it, this cure-all for saggy pants syndrome? Well, it’s a compromise, and it’s a new type of pants which hybridizes pants and boxer shorts! Here’s how it works:
Most baggy-pants-wearing youths wear boxer shorts, and then their jeans hang down to about their mid-thigh, exposing the boxer shorts. This exposure of underwear offends adults (not me, but I’m really quite immature, you know.), but what if this very same look could be maintained while also being acceptable in polite society? How is this possible? Well, by simply designing and making a pair of pants that looks like exposed boxer shorts and saggy pants, but is, in fact, a single pair of pants! They could have a sewn-up crotch hole area in front, so as to avoid having anything accidentally come dangling out, and they could be double-thick in the boxer shorts area, to prevent any show-through of naughty-bits. Then the jeans would simply be sewn onto the bottoms of the leg parts of the boxer shorts, and worn as one pair of pants around the waist. And this completely solves every aspect of this issue: youth can wear the style they like without offending others. Unless offending others is the whole point, in which case this won’t work either.
The only real downside here is if the kids decide they want to wear these pants down around their knees, too. In fact, they might want to wear boxer shorts around their waist, and then wear these pants around their mid-thighs just like before, which would make it look like they in fact have two pairs of exposed boxer shorts. And if they do that, then I could claim to have created a whole new extreme youth fashion trend, despite being a lame square. And all because I scammed them into thinking I was a hot chick online!
