There’s a show called Dealiest Catch which is apparently very popular. I know of the show, but I must admit I’ve never actually watched it. But I am aware of the goings on thereabouts, and from what I understand, there have been no actual fishing-related fatalities during the show. The Cornelia Marie’s Captain Phil Harris had a stroke onboard the ship and later died in the hospital, which is in all seriousness quite tragic, but that could happen in any line of work. But there have been no deaths from the actual, you know, catching part, however (at least, not on the show). So is it really the “deadliest” catch? It’s most certainly very dangerous, and potentially deadly, but is it really the deadliest? Surely there must be a catch that would be deadlier than what they’re doing, and if so, then obviously it would make an even better and more gripping reality show! (I call dibs on this idea, by the way!)
This new show would be called Even More Deadlierest Catch, and it would show the kind of fishing that’s way more dangerous than even what they do on Deadliest Catch. How is this possible, you might well ask? Well, that’s because it would show the following scenarios that completely guarantee the deaths of those who are foolish enough to engage in them (!):
The first episode would show guys spear-fishing for Great White Sharks while dressed up in Cape Fur Seal costumes in the water next to Seal Island, just off the southern tip of South Africa. The seal costumes would be made of real sealskin (that is, the actual hide of Cape Fur Seals with the blubber layer intact), and the fishermen would not be allowed to use scuba gear, as the air bubbles might scare the sharks away.
The second episode would show guys in Speedos jumping into the piranha-infested waters of the Amazon basin, but with only those little pet shop-style goldfish nets to catch the piranhas in. They will provide live bait in the form of their own bodies.
The third episode of the show would have guys wearing wetsuits covered with bloody chum stand up to their necks in the water in bull shark territory and engage in fly fishing for them, using their chum suits to attract the sharks, but using a fly lure to try to catch them.
The fourth episode of this show would be… Oh, who am I trying to kid here? This show wouldn’t last past three episodes, even with ironclad liability waivers! (Actually, it probably wouldn’t last past one episode!) So, with this in mind, I hereby relinquish my dibs on this enterprise, and I wish you all the best of luck! (By the way, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone I thought of this show, and I’ll deny it if you do!)
Here’s the deadliest story:
