Just when I thought it was finally settled, and we finally
were going to have every game from now on decided by penalty kicks after two
hours of wheel-spinning and no scoring, Italy has to come along and win a game
decisively! That’s no fun! Plus, it’s bad for both the fans and the sponsors! What do I mean? Well,
it’s like this:
If we could have had a few more scoreless ties through extra
time go to penalty shootouts, we could have just convinced everyone to forgo
the boring game part, and we could just go straight to the penalty shootout!
(Talk about excitement!) But that might still be too much for everyone, so then
FIFA and UEFA could just decide to scrap all that soccer stuff and just do the
coin toss! (Whoever wins the coin toss wins the game! It would be like poker,
only much faster!) That’s the most exciting part of the game anyway, right? I
think it’s the furthest most Americans see of any of the games anyway before
they fall asleep, right? (I’m joking. Some even make it to halftime!)
Oh, and this would have been great for revenue too! With the
coin toss being the only part of the game, they could sell commemorative coins
for tons of cash. Plus, with no game, and a two to three hour spot, they could
run wall-to-wall ads, and make tons of money for the TV station (and the clubs
too)! They could just have the players play soccer in the ads, and then
everyone might stay tuned to watch them!
So Italy, you just cost everyone a lot of money they would
have gotten, and worse, now everyone
has to watch more soccer! (Actually, I’m kidding. A great game by Italy, and an
exciting rematch for the final!)
