Hey, we all know how insurance companies always seem to find a way to make all of your expected claim benefits disappear, right? Well, that's why you should get Colonial Penn & Teller Life Insurance! Your benefits will disappear, yes, and you will have paid all those premiums for nothing; but with Colonial Penn & Teller Life Insurance, your benefits will disappear in an amazing and entertaining illusion/magic trick where Penn & Teller will both dress up in Colonial-era garb like the American Founding Fathers, replete with long white powdered wigs, knee-high button cuff pants, fluffy frilly ruffled shirts, tri-cornered hats, etc.: the works! Yes, with Colonial Penn & Teller Life Insurance, your benefits won't just disappear, they'll disappear as if by magic! And you'll surely be entertained!
Oh, and if you have any complaints, you may call the 1-800 Colonial Penn & Teller Life Insurance complaint line, and speak with Teller personally: simply follow his verbal instructions, and he'll tell you exactly what to do to get your money back!
(Disclaimer: Colonial Penn & Teller Life Insurance does not exist, and even if it did, it still would not be affiliated with Colonial Penn Life Insurance in any way whatsoever. Please just send all moneys to me, and they will disappear into my pocket.)
(Oh, and Disclaimer #2: This is a just a joke, and Penn & Teller are not involved in this type of absurd scheme/scam* whatsoever, so apologies to them.)
* Insurance, that is.
