Hey, with a new geriatric version of Dallas in the making and about to bombard the airwaves (again: well, it's about to cram its old-but-steamy self onto the cable bandwidth, anyway), wouldn't this be the perfect opportunity to show the powerful side of Depend Undergarments? Yes, not only hot sex-symbol actresses like Lisa Rinna wear Depends in circumstances like on the red carpet for some chic movie premiere; sometimes Depends are worn by the business titans that manipulate "the invisible hand of the market" while they're busy orchestrating massive, world-altering deals. (It's not only underarm perspiration that can result from such intense pressures involved in enormous business deals, you know!) And sometimes, said invisible hand helps these elderly tycoons change their Depends, from what I understand. (Why else do you think markets "go in the crapper" like they do so often these days? It's meant literally!)
So, how would a new Dallas Depends ad work? Well, I'd think it could work something like this:
J.R. Ewing has a business meeting with some young corporate raider guy, and this young whippersnapper says to him: "I've worked out a new deal behind your back that cuts you out entirely! When you see the terms, you'll crap your pants!" And then J.R. says: "Well, I've got you there, sonny: As it happens, young feller, I've already crapped my pants: I'm wearing Depends! But if you think you can pull the rug out from under me so easily, you're sorely mistaken! I saw your move coming a mile away, and I've undercut your whole deal and shut you out completely, and when you finally feel the financial blow that's coming your way, you'll be the one who's crapping his pants, my boy! That's why I took this opportunity to buy you your own package of Depends Undergarments! (He hands him the package so we can all see the name of the product facing the camera) I suggest you put them on now, sonny!"
