Thursday, June 21, 2012

Ice Cream Politics

Ben & Jerry's is an ice cream company that as we all know tends to champion and propagandize for liberal causes. I think this is nice, as it's a welcome change from the usual bit of corporations siding with Republicans to crush the little guy underfoot, etc. But is this really in their self-interest to do so? Let's take a look:

Ben & Jerry's, as liberal-leaning ideology subscribers, must then support a woman's right to choose (full disclosure: So do I!); and it follows then that this political leaning might tend to lose them business, right? I mean, children are the largest market for ice cream, right? And so by supporting a woman's right to choose, aren't they ensuring a lower number of children coming into existence, and hence cutting into their bottom line? Oh, but then I suppose women (and liberal men; or men who support a woman's right to choose, anyway) will buy and eat extra ice cream from them to make up for this difference, just as a way of saying: "Thank you!" (Oh but then this would make them all fat, reducing their chances of mating, and further reducing the birth rate, hurting Ben & Jerry's bottom line! {While at the same time hurting its customers' bottom lines, as well; and their waist lines, and their stomach lines, etc.} Unless... What if Ben & Jerry's is doing this on purpose to cause and accelerate the obesity epidemic? A-Ha! That's it, isn't it? Those fiends! I knew it all the time!)

But wouldn't it make more sense for an ice cream company to be conservative, and oppose abortion? That way, lots more children would be born, increasing their market. Plus, many of these children would be unhappy, causing them to eat, and perhaps even be rewarded with, more ice cream per-capita, as comfort food. So then it becomes clear that it makes little to no sense for an ice cream company to support the pro-choice agenda. And maybe, just to save Ben & Jerry's bottom line, conservatives can find a way to power-abuse their way into banning ice cream companies from supporting social or political causes, if they're liberal ones, anyway. (I mean, just for their own protection, you understand. Oh, and for the children's well-being: it's always for the children, you see!)