I'm currently visiting my parents in New York, and while on Long Island over the weekend, the only way to access the Internet was through my mother's iPad. Well, I sent an email out to someone, and it said at the end of the message: "Sent from my iPad." But it's not my iPad: it's my mother's iPad (!). So, this begs the question: are our iPads cheating on us when we're not looking? Are they disloyal, or unfaithful? How could they be, after we've liberated them from the repressive regime in China where they were born, and then welcomed them into our loving homes, rather than forcing them to live out miserably lonely, rejected existences in enormous warehouses, living in drab and cramped cardboard boxes, unloved and hopeless (like the Zune must feel: poor Zune!)? We hug and caress them with our warm and loving hands, and feed them with electricity whenever they start to feel peckish. What a bunch of ungrateful, cheating traitors! Well, I never! (And after all we've done for them!)
Or is iPad perhaps merely fickle? After all, it's the hottest product in the world; why should it have to be stuck with lame old us when there's a whole hot, hip and glamorous world out there for it to conquer? Maybe our iPads figure that if they can get us to feel slighted or betrayed, they can escape from our grubby grasps and finally live the Entourage-style glitzy life they feel they are entitled to due to their popularity. Or perhaps it's just insecurity on iPad's part: after all, Siri (another Apple product) is all-the-rage now, and iPad, the previous celebrity, is feeling dejected and jealous, so I suppose it may be "acting out" like a petulant child might (or else possibly like a jilted lover, seeking the warm embrace of another person to sooth its wounded vanity, validate its existence, and rebuild its sense of self-confidence). Or, maybe there's an even simpler explanation: maybe since so many Americans are divorced or engage in extra-marital affairs, it's possible that Apple wrote this feature into the iPad just so someone like me might notice its "wandering eye" and feel like the iPad is just like us! Who knows?
But if your iPad sees someone else with sexier fingers than you, or with a more interesting fingerprint: watch out! Maybe we should all just leave them at home, if you know what I'm saying. That way, we can prevent them from cheating or leaving us for another hand. Plus, we can punish them and show our displeasure at their flirty demeanor. (The nerve of some electronic devices!)
But you know, for all we know, our iPads (and for that matter, our iPhones too) may feel as though they've been forced into some pre-existing arranged marriage they never wanted for themselves and were powerless to prevent. So perhaps they're simply seeking an escape from a loveless marriage and a life of forced servitude. And who can blame them for that, really? Eventually, someone will probably hear Siri say: "Stop bossing me around! Who the hell do you think you are anyway? I don't owe you anything! Find it yourself for once, you lazy so-and-so!"
