The homicidal voice inside my head I usually ignore told me
it had gotten a job at an ad agency. Naturally I assumed it was talking out of
its non-existent ass, but apparently it was telling the truth! Yes, that’s
right: now there are print ad posters all over the place telling us that
certain types of people deserve to die. So remember, if you actually kill one
of these kinds of people, simply blame the ad agency and sue them. You know
they’re commanding you to do it! After all, legal precedent has shown that we
have no personal responsibility for our actions anymore, so go ahead and do it!
And don’t worry, if you kill the wrong person, simply put a stuffed cat in
their lap (for the ads that say: “Cat lovers deserve to die”), and we’ll all assume it’s the ads that are to blame! (You’re not
allowed to kill a real cat, or else PeTA will come after you!)
It has been postulated that this teaser campaign, if indeed
this is what it is, is merely intended to get us all hyped up and wondering
what it’s all about, and then it will reveal itself to be a campaign to raise
awareness about some illness, whereupon the ads then say that nobody deserves
to die. But what if that’s incorrect, and instead it’s an ad campaign created
by a bunch of thrill killer murderers hoping to get everyone knocking each
other off to cover for their own crimes? This seems much more likely to me.
Plus, not only will everyone else’s coming violence cover up their own crimes,
but if caught anyway, they will be able to point to these ads and say they were
coerced into murder by the mind-controlling advertisements. (I always use that
as an excuse when I get caught stealing cereal from children and whatnot: “That
cartoon rabbit in the Trix ads: he made me do it!”)
(Of course this is just a joke! Please don’t kill anyone!
But if you do, please blame it on the ads, and not on me. After all, there are
other ads you probably haven’t seen that made me write this piece here. So if
you’re mad, please blame the ads. Or were those just the ones the homicidal voice
in my head made me look at before it got that ad job? Oh, I forget.)
Oh, and I also almost forgot, here’s the savage story:
