This commercial starts out by saying: “There are those who
think… (blah, blah.)” Let’s just stop right there. Those: really? What’s so great about those? These are better than
those! After all, these are over
here; those are all the way over
there! And I don’t feel like going over there, so forget those! Besides, who cares what those think anyway? Those losers!
But let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that we did
care what those thought or had to say,
okay? (I mean, just as an intellectual exercise.) So apparently those buzzkills claim all the super-awesome-osity of this
Jaguar is “too much of a good thing”. Oh, so we’re all just supposed to drive around in
crap that sucks all the time, just because those said so? See,
those are just a bunch of jerks
who are trying to make life miserable for everyone, and we should always
discount what those people think
and say! (See? I told you so.)
Oh, but then apparently Jaguar thinks/believes something
just as asinine: that “too much of a good thing is a very good thing.” Oh, so
Jaguar is hogging all the good things for their cars, huh? No wonder so many
cars are so lame: Jaguar is hoarding all the good things, and they’re
overloading all of their cars with these great things so that only rich people
can have them! And they will not even allow any other cars to have any good things, either! Well, I never! What a nerve, let me tell you! Why, they ought to
be forced by the government to share some of those excessive good things with
other, less fortunate cars so all vehicles are more equal. Doesn’t our
Constitution say all cars are created equal? (It’s something like that, I
think.) So then it’s unconstitutional for Jaguars to be such a miser of “good
things”.
Or, wait a minute: Could “good thing” be a reference to
illegal drugs here? Another sports car brand was (allegedly) associated with
drug trafficking in the past (DeLorean), so is it possible that this ad is
suggesting that…? Nah, they probably just mean they refuse to share good things
with anyone else (unless they buy their cars). Greedy misers!
Oh, but even more ominous and potentially menacing is the
last bit of announcer copy at the end of this ad: The announcer says: “Let your
Jaguar retailer make a good thing come alive for you.” (!!!) So, they’re trying
to bring this “good thing” to life, like Dr. Frankenstein, huh? Well then it’s
no wonder they’ve been trying to brainwash us all by bombarding us with the
idea that this is a “good thing” here! They’re just trying to make it so that
we’ll support their unholy attempts to “play God”! Well, I’m not buying it,
man! I remember only too well when that monster car they brought to life broke
loose the last time, and other innocent cars were crushed under its brutal and
uncaring tractor tires! And I’ll not stand for that again, let me tell you!
(Car manufacturers are not meant to interfere in God’s domain! They’re meddling
in things car makers were meant to leave alone! {This is a staple of 1930s
horror movies, by the way: they almost always had their protagonist scientists
say something like: “I meddled in things man must leave alone”, etc. For
evidence of this, see the end of The Invisible Man, 1933.*} Oh, the horror of it all!)
Here’s the ad with too much of a good thing (It’s positively
reprehensible how excessive they are with good things here! Shocking!):
* And here’s the end of The Invisible Man (The statement is at 7:53, near the very end.):
