Gillette has a new ad for their Fusion ProGlide razor which
shows how shaving your face with their razor will always make you win all your
sprinting races. (Our Olympic sprinter must have used Schick razors in Beijing.
I use them too, and I’ve never won a sprint race since I started using them. I
haven’t actually run one, but that is beside the point.) This must be like with
swimming, where some guys shave their legs to reduce resistance in the water
(or so they say; but maybe it’s really because they prefer silky legs, and it’s
just an excuse to be able to do it without judgment from their peers), and
Gillette shaves you so well, it makes you run faster than any other brand. But
then isn’t our hero here failing to make use of this advantage by keeping his
(admittedly quite small) beard & mustache? Surely another sprinter will
shave off all of his facial hair and beat him by a whisker, so to speak. (Or
perhaps someone will shave off their eyebrows, eyelashes, ears and nose, etc.,
to win. That would demonstrate 125% dedication, alright!)
What I’d think might work even better than using this
Gillette razor at home would be to use a Flicker razor right there on the track
right before the race: that way, the others might be giggling at you, and for
that reason fail to get a quick start or run a good race, and you’d win more
easily. (Not every other country in the world has such progressive views on
sexual identity as the United States is beginning to have {finally}, so they might
be especially susceptible to such methods of distraction immediately prior to a
race.)
Here’s the sprint starting shaving spot:
And here’s a wonderfully fun commercial for the Flicker
razor from 1974:
BTW: Tyson Gay I believe was injured in Beijing, but when
he’s healthy, he’s capable of being the fastest man on Earth. Look out, Bolt:
Tyson’s coming for you in London! (Maybe Bolt crashed his BMW because he was
worrying about the upcoming races?)
